A focus on winning and losing, comparing children with each other, or grading students’ work is a prescription for children becoming frustrated, humiliated, and ultimately choosing to avoid, rather than engage. A within-child focus promotes sustained engagement with challenges, continued growth, increased competence, and ultimately greater self-esteem.
The Risk of Between-Child Comparisons
What was he thinking?! Challenging the Hare to a race? Was he out of his mind? Did he have a special scouting report on the Hare? Or maybe a HARE Personality Profile? No, the truth is this. The Tortoise was fed up with being ignored, rejected and ridiculed by the other animals for being so slow compared to everyone else. He had been cut from the cross-country team and was actively shunned on the playground where, instead of being picked last – he simply was not picked. Out of sheer frustration and a wish for a little attention, even if it risked humiliation, he boldly challenged the Hare, in front of everyone in the school cafeteria, to a race the following day (after lunch). Did he know that the Hare would need a nap after lunch? No, this was just a desperate cry for attention.
We all know the outcome. Well ahead of the Tortoise, the Hare settled in for a short nap, only to awaken too late to catch the plodding Tortoise. Is there a lesson to be learned? Don’t believe what you have been told about “slow and steady wins the race.” What kid, what school, what parent values slow?
The following day the humiliated Hare challenged the Tortoise to another race. When he refused, the Hare began taunting the Tortoise mercilessly, making his life miserable. “You are so slow, recess is over by the time you reach the playground.” Thus the Tortoise went from being ignored to being bullied.
The Hare was popular at school because he was the fastest. He was first to be picked for sports, games of tag, and delivering notes for the teacher. His status came from how he compared to others. As the fastest at Riverside Grade School, he maintained that status easily. However, when he moved to Countryside Middle School, things changed. In fact, at CMS, he wasn’t even the fastest rabbit.
Kids will always compare themselves with others. But we do not need to take a potentially harmful process and make it worse. Tortoise was shunned for being slow. He was cut from the cross-country team for being slow. But in a school that emphasizes within-child comparisons, Tortoise could have been included on the cross-country team and he could have competed each race in an attempt to better his own personal best time. Hare arrived at middle school without having been adequately challenged. He only worked hard enough to be better than the others, which at Riverside was not that difficult. He too could have benefited from competing with himself, attempting to improve with each race.
This kind of structure puts emphasis on Mastery rather than winning or relative comparisons. Within this healthier system, Tortoise got to hang out with the CC team, dropped five hours off his CC time, and entered middle school looking really fit and happy. Hare arrived at middle school with enough internal discipline that he was not blown away by the challenges of fitting in and feeling adequate where everyone was bigger, stronger and faster, having been chased daily by the farmer’s dogs.
A within-child focus promotes self-esteem and internal discipline because it emphasizes growth as a function of effort and values Mastery instead of winning. In a system that values winning, the vast majority of us are losers. Who persists at something where they are losing in comparison with others? Am I bad at math because I cannot solve problems as fast as other kids? Or is eventual mastery of the material what counts?